1. subtle bragging, false modesty, grandiosity (related to #2 and #3)
2. person sitting next to/near me during test makes lots of unnecessary pencil noise and writes really fast and turns pages loudly to indicate to everyone near them that they are making progress
3. when people ask the prof stupid questions during lecture and it is clear that they have reasons other than making meaningful contributions to the discussion for doing so like wow thanks for making that esoteric digression into a completely irrelevant topic to prove to us your impressive expanse of knowledge we are all so proud of you
4. when people start picking at their pimples in public oh please do not especially when i’m talking to you oh my god
5. (i’m guilty of this one) jiggling your leg during class ; n;
6. omgg no do not pay for my food ok it makes me feel like i now have an obligation toward you
7. partying and blasting music during quiet hours in the dorm. there’s a reason that frathouses exist you dweebs
i just realized that since fourth grade, i’ve never had a best friend
3. being unprepared for test/not doing well in school
4. stuttering/failing to have meaningful conversation/not noticing poor facial hygiene when talking to someone important
5. decreasing value of college diploma
6. what is life/death even??????????
I like to think of myself as apathetic in order justify the fact that I nearly live the life of a social recluse. i’ve countlessly reinforced in my head the notion that “there’s no use in interacting with people; they can go ahead and have their conversations and small talk but it all just seems pointless and banal to me, leave me out of it.” these thoughts are just a component of a deeply rooted defense mechanism, and a stupid and atrociously shallow minded one at that. i fear disappointing others and disappointing myself. i want others to perceive me in a certain way, and I have convinced myself that failing to do will ruin me. most of the time, I do fail, and that is why I am the coward I am now who can’t confront these unreasonable fears nor combat my general social anxiety. it’s not that i haven’t tried; i am afflicted with a brain wired to be clumsy in conversation. my attempts at even the simplest of exchanges often necessitate the act of fumbling around the dark convoluted space of my mind for words, wit, and catalysts of conversation. it drains the energy out of me more than anything. i’m sorry to disappoint myself further but i’ve hit the point of depleting the mental stamina and patience needed to deal with this problem and I don’t know how to go about it anymore.
Hiroomi Nase - Kyoukai no Kanata 8